Look Into My Eyes

By : Allen Thompson

a little about the eyes

The eyes are quite amazing! Very few things surpass the importance of our eyes when engaged in social interaction... especially with those gorgeous women we love to feast them upon. I'm not talking about eye contact in this article, or the way we use our eyes to connect and disconnect with others; I'm talking about the eyes themselves... specifically the pupils of your eyes.

There are three extremely important things to understand right up front:

· The pupils of our eyes dilate and grow larger when we see someone we're attracted to.

· Larger and dilated pupils are seen as more attractive than smaller and contracted pupils.

· We like those who like us.

dilated pupils

Whenever we see someone we like, our pupils grow larger. It's almost as if our eyes are trying to see as much of this person as possible. This is an involuntary and uncontrollable physiological response.

Thus, you can often tell if a woman is attracted to you by observing her pupils, and whether they expand or contract, or maybe do nothing. (Note: contracting would not be good for you... as it likely means she not only is not attracted to you, but actively dislikes you. Sorry about that.)

Sometimes, the environment can interfere with the psychological responses of our pupils. If you're outside on a bright sunny day, it may be difficult for her to dilate her pupils. Similarly, if you're together in a dimly lit room, her pupils are probably going to be dilated no matter how much she feels about you.

One other thing to keep in mind is her base level, or natural pupil size. This varies somewhat from person to person. Some people have larger pupils while others have smaller ones. So to effectively judge your effect on her, you're going to remember her base level and judge the change when she gazes in your direction. Please try to be inconspicuous about this. Do not tell her what you're doing; if she had any idea, it would make her very uncomfortable.

On the other hand, keep in mind that if the gorgeous girl you've been checking out knows her pupil physiology, she already knows you're attracted to her. She can see it in your eyes; and short of wearing sunglasses or avoiding all eye contact, there's not much you can do about it. But I wouldn't worry about this too much, there's very little chance that your average lady is going to understand this particular psycho-physiological response.

the larger the better

The second thing to keep in mind is that larger and dilated pupils are considered more physically attractive, and friendlier than the smaller and contracted pupils. For example, studies with photographs have shown that attractiveness increases as pupil size increases. Likewise, if the researchers altered the pupil sizes in the photographs to make them smaller, they could decrease the attractiveness of the individuals in the photos.

We're talking about the same target photos here. Increasing or decreasing the pupil sizes in the same photos will alter its effect on the subjects. We're not comparing different people with different pupil sizes and concluding that those with larger pupils are seen as more attractive than those with smaller pupils. Obviously, there are a lot of other variables to consider when comparing different individuals.

Belladonna is Italian for "beautiful lady", and was frequently used by 16th century women to give their eyes a sexy and dreamy look, by dilating the pupils. Another important point is that these pupil attractiveness effects operate in a subconscious fashion. The people in the experiments know they like the photos with the dilated pupils better, but they don't know exactly why. The person just seems more handsome , prettier , or friendlier somehow. They do not realize the pupils have been altered physically by the researchers. Thus, ideally, you would like for your pupils to be as large as possible when gazing at women you're attracted to, therefore making you more attractive. And usually, as mentioned in the first part of this article, that is exactly what happens.

You see a beautiful girl. Your pupils dilate. The large pupils cause her to see you as more attractive than she otherwise might. Your responses are automatic. Her responses are subconscious. Works out pretty well doesn't it?

Keep in mind that it works the other way as well. If a girl is attracted to you her pupils dilate when she looks at you. As a result, you will see her as being more attractive than you might otherwise think her to be. Again, both reactions are automatic and subconscious.

we like those who like us

We are almost always attracted to those who are attracted to us. Why? The main reason is probably because when another person likes us, it makes us feel good about ourselves. It gives us an ego boost, increases our self-esteem and self-confidence.

Like it or not, we often judge ourselves by other people's reactions to us. If others seem to like us, then we feel good about ourselves. If others don't seem to like us, then we may feel bad about ourselves. This does not always occur, but it happens most of the time. Given this principle of reciprocal liking, we now have a logical explanation to explain the attractiveness effects described above.

When you look at a girl you're attracted to, your pupils dilate. Subconsciously, she notices your dilated pupils and concludes that you like her and are attracted to her. Since people who like her give her an ego boost and make her feel good about herself, she becomes more attracted to you than she might be otherwise. Does this make sense?

So remember, if you want someone to like you, then you have to like them. This simple principle has been known for ages. Yet it's amazing how few people really understand it or practice it. And how dearly this lack of understanding costs them.

a few examples

Now that we understand the three points discussed above, the question becomes, "How can we use this information to enrich our lives by making ourselves more attractive to women?" I'll go over a few possible scenarios, but you have to use your imagination. There are dozens of ways to use the knowledge you now possess to add love, romance, and excitement to your life.

Ever wonder why a candlelit dinner with wine is considered so romantic? Think about it. The dim light dilates the pupils of both individuals, making them both more attractive to one another than they really are, not to mention hiding minor physical flaws. The alcohol in the wine also accentuates the pupil dilation even more.

Yes, alcohol dilates the pupils. It also promotes relaxation and reduces inhibitions. It's definitely your friend on a date. But be careful not to abuse of it; a little is romantic, but a lot becomes unpredictable and can wind up ruining the evening.

Another helpful tip: Remember to look straight into the eyes of that beautiful lady you're interested in. You're attracted to her and your pupils dilate. She subconsciously recognizes your attraction, and all you've done is look into her beautiful eyes. You haven't really said or risked anything. Seems pretty simple doesn't it? Don't be surprised if she tells her girlfriends what beautiful eyes you have.

I know. I know. You're shy. You usually go to extremes in order to avoid eye contact... especially with women you're attracted to. You look down. You look away. You look anywhere but into her eyes. You would rather die than let her know you're attracted to her. You want her to be attracted to you first, and once you're sure she's attracted to you, then maybe you'll let her in on the fact that you also like her.

big mistake

If you want someone to like you, you have to show that you like them. Look into her eyes and smile. If need be, force yourself to... just for a couple seconds every now and then.

I'm not talking about staring into her eyes until the sweat starts popping from her brow. Staring will simply make her feel uncomfortable. Just add a little casual eye contact into your conversations with her and smile. She will come to like you even more because of that.

Ever go to bars? Ever notice how beautiful the women in bars look? Yes, the women definitely dress to impress. But also, bars are usually dimly lit, and with a high amounts of alcohol going around. Dilated pupils and reduced inhibitions are everywhere.

And do these beautiful ladies get even more beautiful at closing time? Ever heard that? It could be, of course, that you're more desperate at closing time, or too drunk to tell the difference.

It's also very likely that as the evening winds along and the women drink more and more, that they actually do get more beautiful. Their pupils become more and more dilated giving their eyes that sexy and dreamy look. Think about the secrets I've just revealed to you, and be sure to act upon them.

Be A Tough Guy

By Mr. Mafioso

Along with the Hybrid Spider Monkey and the short-tailed chinchilla, there’s another endangered species nearing extinction: The Tough Guy. At some point in my lifetime, men abandoned their iron fists for Iron Chef. Everyone became sensitive and in touch with their feelings. Nowadays men call their lawyers to settle disputes in the court room -- when I was growing up you called Joey, Tommy and Vinny to settle it in the parking lot. Our original American Idol wasn’t Clay Aiken -- it was John Wayne. We didn’t drink Red Bull -- we drank Red Label. It pains me to watch men continue on this downward spiral toward softness. So, seeing as though everyone forgot what it takes to be a tough guy, I decided to share a few tips to help mankind regain some of that old bravado.

Talk the talk

To be tough guy, you have to talk tough. Don’t curse, don’t scream, just look someone right in the eye and make sure there’s conviction behind your voice. The bum on 5th Avenue can scream about socialism and the apocalypse as much as he wants, but that recklessness won’t fly with a tough guy. Michael Corleone was the king of tough talk. His cool demeanor yet fiery stare was the ultimate vocal combination. So, when I run into some stunad who insists on breaking my balls, I never respond by yelling. I simply look in his eyes and calmly say: “I would appreciate it if you met me outside to further resolve this matter.” Only I don’t use that exact phrasing.

Take the pain, and don’t complain

Tough guys play hurt, take the pain and know that complaining is only for cafones who crave attention. The respect that comes from enduring pain is a lot better than the sympathy you get from moaning about it. President Roosevelt gave a speech despite the fact that he had just been shot in the chest. Now you have guys taking up hospital beds with a bad case of hangnail. I’m not saying you have to endure as much as Teddy, but remember that complaining is a sign of weakness, and it’s definitely not a sign that you can be a tough guy.

Stand up for your ideals

There’s a method that must accompany the madness of every tough guy. He has principles and ideals that he won’t compromise. He’s not just out there for himself, but something bigger. Whether it is trust, respect or honesty, a tough guy has values that he’ll never tolerate being tarnished. Defending his beliefs is always justified. And if he doesn’t act in their defense, he knows he’s a justifiable coward. In my business, we value loyalty over anything else. If someone breaks that loyalty, we break their legs. And Tommy, if you’re out there, you can’t hide forever.

Don’t fear fear

There’s a common myth that tough guys don’t fear anything. Trust me -- we do. The trick, however, is to hide that fear. Never wear your emotions on your sleeve. That’s a stain the dry cleaner can’t get out. The boss once asked me to meet him by the old loading docks and, sure, I thought I might be the victim of the recent “company downsizing,” but I knew the importance of acting unfazed. Once someone smells your fear, they’ll see you as weak and vulnerable, something you have to learn if you want to be a tough guy. The boss was impressed with my demeanor, and I got bumped up to capo.

flex that authoritative muscle

If my tips still leave you wondering how to be a tough guy, take a note from The Don himself. As Johnny Fontane cried to Vito Corleone: “Godfather, I don’t know what to do!” The Don didn’t respond with: “Have you tried psychoanalysis?” or “I know this great anti-depressant.” The Don simply said: “You can act like a man!” That is my overall advice to those who find themselves falling into the pit of softness. I’m not saying we’re all made out to be a tough guy, and I’m not saying my tips are the only ones to follow. However, I do know it’s never too late to regain your manhood. So throw down your chai lattes and stand up for yourself. Stand up for your principles and don’t let fear bog you down. Talk the talk, walk the walk and god dammit, act like a man!

Can Women Forgive Cheating Men?

By: Vanessa Burton

Although every woman I've asked made it clear that she could never take a cheater back (they even gave me that whole "once a cheater..." spiel), it seems that actions speak much louder than words. You guys are getting out of jail for free all too often.

More often than not, women tend to forgive cheating boyfriends and husbands. The reasons why tend to vary, and even the degree of "forgiveness" tends to vary. But before we delve into what these reasons are, allow me to provide a loose definition of what cheating is for the sake of clarity.

what do i mean?

Although many people would quickly argue that cybersex and close friendships with the opposite sex constitute cheating, what I'm referring to in this article is sexual contact of any kind. From kissing and dry humping to oral sex and actual penetration, all things physically sexual count as acts of betrayal.

The exchange of bodily fluids from saliva to semen means that you've been getting down and dirty with another woman and none of this "I was in a different zip code so it doesn't count" crud is going to fly. Cheating is cheating.

what kind of cheating?

There's an ongoing debate as to which kind of cheating is worse, although I am of the opinion that all cheating is unforgivable. But most women tend to separate cheating into degrees.

For instance, many women would be more willing to forgive a cheater who had a moment of weakness and engaged in a one-night stand than a significant other who had been pursuing another secret relationship on the side.

I guess the lack of emotional attachment of the former makes it somewhat easier to deal with than discovering that a man has been feeding us straight-out lies throughout the relationship.

a little history

Historically speaking, women used to forgive their husbands' cheating ways more frequently for reasons other than love -- many would even turn the other cheek. To start, wives were highly respected and thus didn't normally engage in lustful, raw, animalistic sex, at least that's the way their husbands saw it -- so that's what mistresses were for.

Second, because they were basically having sex for procreation (see above), wives weren't big fans of the act of sex. As well, leaving their husbands "simply" for cheating would leave them disgraced (especially since it was quietly acceptable for men to cheat) and because they were "tainted" and had "baggage," marrying for a second time would be difficult if not impossible.

And because men were usually the sole breadwinners of a household, divorcing their husbands was virtually unheard of. Nowadays things are different... but perhaps not that different in that women still take their men back.

it's a numbers game

According to Dr. Bonnie Eaker, author of Adultery, The Forgivable Sin , eight out of ten marriages fall prey to some form of adultery (and it's not just the guys who are cheating). And more than half of all marriages end in divorce.

Perhaps you're a statistic and have fallen into the cheating game. But do you really think that your woman will turn the other cheek? Do you think that she'll forgive you and let the issue go? Well, she might say that she forgives you, but her actions may lead you to believe otherwise.

Here are a few things she might do after she tells you that she "forgives" your deception:

She'll throw it in your face

Every time you do something wrong -- you're late, or you say the wrong thing -- out comes the weapon... the "you cheated on me" weapon. From this point forward, she is a virtual saint because it was you who betrayed her .

She might want to know everything

She might drill you with 50 questions about the affair and let it go. Then one night, in the middle of an intimate dinner, she might have a few more questions to ask. The point is that she might not let it go -- ever.

She will taunt you

All of a sudden Joe, Jim and John's names seem to be popping up in every conversation you have with her. Suddenly there are hoards of men for her to take her pick from if she ever decides to get back at you.

She'll interrogate you

From this point forward, you're going to have to check in all the time if you want to avoid a paranoid interrogation regarding your whereabouts. Oh and every time she catches you lying, you're screwed, and not in the good way.

She'll cheat

Because she thinks she has a "get out of jail free" card under her belt, she might just sleep with that cute guy in accounting just to have her fill of the grab bag and feel as though she hasn't been taken for a fool.

She'll make you jealous

She may become more flirtatious around your friends so you might have to prepare yourself for a change in her attitude. The worst part is, if you make any negative comments about her behavior, she'll retort with, "at least I'm not screwing them."

forgive is just a word

In short, she may say that she forgives you, but in reality you've given her ammunition to use against you. And in the end, your relationship will likely self-destruct. But behold, sometimes when women say that they forgive, they do actually mean it. But if she exhibits any of the aforementioned behavior, her forgiveness comes with strings attached.

But it's all relative. For many women, everything depends on who you've cheated with, what she meant to you, how many people know, whether you told her or she found out... there are many things to consider. But ultimately, cheating is not cool, for lack of a better word.

Personally speaking, if my significant other cheated on me, my love would turn to hatred instantly. I just cannot tolerate betrayal of any kind and even if I wanted to forgive him, I couldn't. That's just the kind of person I am. But hey, evidently many women don't feel the way I do. Just ask Hillary and Kathie Lee, not to mention Tammy Wynette.

it's a diseased world

Although cheating has dropped significantly, it isn't due to our underlying emphasis on the value of relationships, or the coveted commandment; it's likely due to the spread of AIDS. Disease has changed the tune that most cheaters were singing, according to Dr. Tom Smith of the National Opinion Research Center.

And besides disease, I can't tell you how many guys I've met that cheated on their women only to be forgiven and in turn, become extremely paranoid that their women would at some point give them the same bitter pill to swallow. Ultimately, they became so engrossed in delusions of their women's infidelities that the relationship came to a screeching halt.

I tell everyone the same thing when it comes to their relationship: Before you decide to do anything, put yourself in the other person's shoes and think to yourself, "if she did this to me, would I be okay with it?" And if you're unable to see the other person's side, then imagine this: Everything you've ever done to your partner (cheat, flirt, deceive), she has probably done to you. Now how you like them apples?

Cheating might help the rare couple by getting them to appreciate what they have in each other, but in the long run, it doesn't usually solve anything. Yes, the seven-year itch is more than just a movie, but will dipping your pen in the poisoned well really make you feel fulfilled again? Think about it.

How To: Be Cool

By Jeff Bayer

Every guy wants to be cool, yet not every guy is cool. But the truth is that there are no secrets to being cool; it's about who you are and how you behave. But there are things that you can do to bring out the cool in you.

Here are some tips that'll show you how to look and sound cool with your friends. Use them if you need them, and you'll transform yourself into one of the socially adept -- and your friends will look forward to hanging out with you.

Have a nice girlfriend (preferably good looking)

A nice girlfriend will always make you a valued guy to be around. Why? Well, a nice girlfriend will probably have nice female friends. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out why your friends might like to hang around a guy who knows lots of women.

Don't overcall

If you're always calling your friends, you're calling too much. There's no perfect ratio, but you should probably call your friends less often than they call you. That way, you'll be in high demand.

Have a purpose when you call

Don't call just to chat. Keep phone calls brief. Call once. Leave a message, but only if you need to. If they don't return the call, don't call them back unless it's an emergency. For example, if you're making plans for dinner and want to include them, but they don't call you back, it's their loss. You shouldn't have to run after them.

Dress well

People don't like hanging out with slobs. No, you don't have to wear a suit to hang out with the guys, but always look presentable and sharp. Remember: We're initially judged on appearances, so always try to look your best.

Be knowledgeable

Ignorance is never bliss. Guys like to have a buddy who knows a thing or two, especially about a range of subjects, from picking up women to current events to wines. But don't overdo it. Drop your knowledge when asked, otherwise you'll look like a showoff, and that is not cool.

Be funny

I'm not talking about telling knock-knock jokes or being a clown. But if you've got a sense of humor, let it rip (a little). You want to be funny, but you don't need to be the sole source of amusement. There's a balance. And please, when you tell a good joke, just bask in that accomplishment. Don't muddy the waters by going on and on -- you'll just kill it.

Don't be a downer

If you're in a bad mood, consider staying home. Guys want to have fun when they're with their friends; nobody wants to be your counselor. Yes, you can tell a close friend about a serious problem (your girlfriend dumped you), but save those talks for serious occasions, not a night out.

Be scarce

Guys who are always around come off as needy, like lap dogs. It's sad to say, but your friends just won't respect you if you don't have a private life. Try having circles of friends that don't meet, and from time to time make sure that you're with the other group.

Be mysterious

Nobody wants to read an open book, so if you tell all, the guys probably won't be that interested in you. Hold something back, and you'll leave everyone wanting more.

Don't broadcast your weaknesses

Every guy has a weakness, but you don't need to broadcast it. If you do, you'll likely make yourself and your weakness the target of group jokes. If you're sensitive about something, keep it to yourself.

Associate with cool people

This one's a no-brainer. If you're always bringing losers to the group, you'll soon be labeled a loser as well. On the other hand, if you're known for bringing cool people around, your coolness factor will skyrocket.

Introduce people

Be the person that brings groups together (not necessarily your separate groups). If you have two sets of friends, introduce them (if you think they'll be compatible, of course). And since they initially only have you in common, they'll probably be talking about you when they cross each others' paths again.

Arrive fashionably late

Arriving early has two drawbacks: You don't get the chance to make an entrance and let others notice you, and you give the guys the impression that you had nowhere else to be. Just don't be too late.

Keep your word

Keeping your promises will show the world that you're dependable -- a rock. But breaking your word will not only tarnish your reputation, it'll cost you some friends. You don't have to promise the world, but when you do give your word, let others know that it's your bond.

Don't be the last guy to leave

If that's you, you're probably the annoying one in the group. Just like with being funny, it's important to leave on a high note. If you overstay your welcome, you may not be invited back.

Pick up the first round

When everyone is sober, they'll remember who bought the first round. Plus, you'll have the reputation as a guy who knows how to get the party started.

Organize an event

Once in a while (say two times a year), you should plan an outing, like a ballgame or paintball. You call the guys, you get the tickets, you handle everything. Note: Making plans to go to your local bar doesn't count.

Don't lose your cool... ever

Nobody wants to see their friend freak out. Bad things will happen and you should react, but you don't have to lose it. Keep your composure at all times.

be the prince of cool

All of these tips will help you be a cool guy around your friends, and you should try to incorporate them into who you are. Your objective should be to try to become the next King Of Cool -- a la Steve McQueen.

But no matter what you do, don't try too hard. Being cool is often an effortless behavior for those who are cool, so don't overdo it.

Resource:
www.sosuave.com

Can Cheating Be Healthy For A Relationship?

By : Curt Smith

et me guess; you did a double take when you read the title of this article, right? I'm not condoning cheating in a relationship, nor denying that it's wrong to cheat. I'm merely suggesting that in some cases, cheating may be beneficial to a relationship.

So why am I writing about such a controversial issue? Because most men and women cheat on their partners at some point in a relationship, and they need to be informed that cheating has at least an ounce of redeeming value. Cheating is not always bad; surprisingly, it can help to improve current relationships.

I'm not implying that every man should go out and be unfaithful, nor am I implying that all men cheat on every woman they date. All it means is that at some point, the little head overpowers the big head and men venture into forbidden territory.

why do we cheat?

Cheating generally means that you are not fully satisfied with your current partner or you feel that something is missing in the relationship. If you were completely in love and happy within your relationship, then why would you jeopardize all that you have for a five-minute fling with the girl next door?

When men cheat, it basically means that they are looking for something their girlfriend or wife is not providing. Often times, it comes down to sex

men are explorers

A lot of men who are in serious relationships usually end up cheating after a couple of years. The reason is simple; men stuck in long-term relationships feel they are missing out on something. Most of the time, these men cheat because they are frustrated and need to get it out of their systems.

Men also like to explore and try new things. The benefit in this case is that once men do cheat, they realize that it is nothing special and probably won't do it again. This prevents them from being unfaithful later on when the stakes are higher (like when they have a family).

home sweet home

When people are in a relationship for a long time, they can't help but start taking their significant other for granted. Sometimes they forget just how great the woman they have really is. Men forget how wonderful it feels to have someone who loves them unconditionally. Cheating usually involves lustful feelings of physical attraction; nothing long-term.

The result is that once men are unfaithful, they will lie in bed and think relentlessly about their unsuspecting partner. Why? Because the lust factor has worn away and the reality didn't measure up to the fantasy. Instead, they remember the good reality; the woman who loves them, bakes them cookies and makes love to them. The old saying "you don't know what you've got till it's gone" says it all.

nothing lasts forever

The most underrated benefit of cheating is that it opens a man's eyes to the realization that his relationship is no longer nurturing and should be terminated. Some people remain blind to the fact that their relationship is "on the rocks" and the only way they can finally realize that it's not going to work out is through cheating. It's a shame that some men have to go to this extreme to see the reality: that they're no longer satisfied with their situation.

Let's face it, nothing lasts forever and about 95% of relationships, married or not, end (i.e. if you date 9 women before you ever marry, your failure rate is 90%, assuming the marriage lasts). When you do break up, you will probably have a lot of regrets, especially concerning all the girls you missed out on -- especially if she's a six-foot tall Swedish model.

So what did you learn from my point of view? That cheating is disrespectful towards the person you've cheated on, but at the very least, it has two beneficial aspects to it. First, that you'll realize your mistake and appreciate your lover a lot more after the horrible deed.

The second is that cheating can help you realize your misery within your current relationship, and will likely give you that necessary shove to move on and stop wasting both your lover's and your own time.

Signs and Symptoms

While menopause is relative easy to diagnose in women -- their menstrual periods stop -- diagnosing male menopause (also known as andropause) in men is trickier and requires a blood test to check testosterone levels. Consequently, the condition often goes undetected.

"Very few people are addressing the problem of male menopause and the profound consequences the loss of testosterone can take on a man," says Dr. David Thomas, a professor of geriatrics at St. Louis University School of Medicine.

Thomas says of the estimated 4 million to 5 million American men with low testosterone, only 5 percent currently are being treated. About one in every 10 men between the ages of 40 and 60 has low testosterone. Among men over the age of 60, the numbers jump to one in every five men, according to researchers.

"I think it is still in the closet but it is gradually coming out of the closet," says Dr. John Morley, who heads up the department of geriatrics at St. Louis University. "Low testosterone is a real condition that can cause men problems with their sex drive, strength and memory, and make them susceptible to weakened bones. But detecting the problem can be sticky because many men don't want to admit their sex drive isn't what it used to be."
Morley has now created a 10-question, Androgen Deficiency in Aging Men (ADAM) screening tool to help physicians detect the problem.

A horomone study for men?

In addition, Morley is calling on the federal government to fund a major study that would assess the long-term risks and benefits of treating middle-aged men with testosterone therapy. He is pushing the National Institutes of Health to fund a Men's Health Initiative that would cost up to $200 million. The study would be an 8-to-10-year project involving 16,000 to 20,000 men who have low testosterone and would examine the effect of testosterone therapy on prostate cancer and cardiovascular disease, as well as on improvements in mobility and decreases in spinal fractures.

"The delay in doing the Women's Health Initiative resulted in many women using an estrogen/progestin combination to prevent heart disease when it clearly increased it," says Morley. "We have the opportunity not to make the same mistake in men."

Currently, a small number of studies have shown that testosterone replacement in men who have low levels of the hormone can improve libido and enhance sexual function. The studies have also shown that testosterone replacement therapy can increase bone mineral density, muscle mass and strength, and help improve mood. However, research to date has not documented whether testosterone replacement therapy has adverse side effects.

"I am not sure it has to be done at the same level as the Women's Health Initiative but we need something. They had 20,000 women. We think a study with 6,000 men could answer the questions in a 5-to-6-year study," says Dr. Glenn Cunningham, a professor of medicine at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston.

For now, a key concern is whether long-term testosterone therapy may affect a man's risk for prostate cancer. It's possible that the treatment could raise hormone levels in the body and accelerate the growth of pre-existing prostate cancer tumors, experts say.

O'Neal, who has been injecting testosterone twice a month for more than 6 years, gets screened for prostate cancer every 6 months. He undergoes a PSA (prostate specific antigen) exam, a routine blood test that helps detect prostate cancer.

"I think this is where the man has to have a relationship with his physician and his physician has to be an educator and have a thorough discussion of what are the man's symptoms. Right now, the risks appear to be low when it comes to prostate cancer. But we need to quantify those risks," says Dr. Kevin Loughlin, a professor of surgery at Harvard Medical School and a senior surgeon at Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston.

Getting the word out

While many men have never heard of male menopause, often their physicians are hesitant to bring up the issue because there are still so many unanswered questions about who would benefit from replacement therapy.

"I think it's a joke," says Paul Joste, a 45-year-old painter in St. Louis. Joste believes lower testosterone levels are part of the natural aging process and should not be turned into a medical problem. Like many other men in his age group, Joste doesn't want to visit a doctor for regular checkups and don't see a need for hormone therapy.

But Morley and other experts contend that Joste is terribly misinformed. They say many men who are middle-aged today will live well into their 80s and 90s and need to be concerned about the issue.

Dr. Larry Lipshultz, a professor of urology at Baylor College, says Joste and other men like him will soon be changing their minds once they are better educated -- or once they develop more severe symptoms.

"I know men are interested in it and I know more men are showing up for a diagnosis and treatment. You can just see that more prescriptions for testosterone are being given out. There is steady growth," says Lipshultz.

For now, most medical experts agree that only men over the age of 40 with symptoms of low testosterone should have a blood test and be screened.

The NIH has asked the Institute of Medicine to determine whether a large study on testosterone replacement therapy, similar to the Women's Health Initiative, is justified. Committee members at the IOM have been interviewing experts on testosterone therapy, including Morley, and a recommendation is expected later in October.

Emotional Or Sexual Cheating: Which Is Worse?

By: Julia Morison

Any way you look at it, cheating is a good way to ruin a relationship. Often, when one partner cheats on the other, trust is lost and there is little chance of regaining it -- this is likely not news to anyone.

But there is more than one category of cheating.

First, there is sexual cheating, where the man feels no emotional connection with the woman and is basically only interested in her for sexual purposes and the excitement that sleeping with her may offer.

The second type of cheating is emotional, where a man finds himself becoming emotionally connected to another woman. He may greatly enjoy her company, talking to her, and sharing his concerns and thoughts about life with her. He will begin to feel as though he would rather spend his spare time with her than with his girlfriend or wife.

In a survey I recently conducted, a little over 75% of women said that emotional cheating would leave them feeling more betrayed than sexual cheating. However, many of the women also reported that it is very hard to separate the two types of cheating because both would affect their feelings for their partner on both levels of the relationship.

Let's look specifically at what women think about each kind of cheating.

emotional cheating

Emotional cheating is the type of cheating that most women find more destructive for their relationship. Women know that there are many other attractive women out there and that men are very visually stimulated by nature. Not that this condones sexual cheating, but it is well known that some men have a hard time controlling their sexual desires.

The situation is more hurtful to a woman when her partner finds someone else whose personality he enjoys more. She often sees this as a sign that she no longer is interesting to him and that she is not fulfilling his emotional needs.

This is also the type of cheating that has less rigid boundaries. It's easy to tell if someone is cheating sexually -- they are either having sex or they aren't -- but what defines emotional cheating from a woman's point of view?

What are some examples of emotional cheating?

One example would be if a man were to regularly take one particular coworker out to lunch or dinner meetings. In most cases, it would be safe to assume that she offers him more than just a discussion about work. She is probably also providing him with emotional companionship, giving him an opportunity to share his thoughts and feelings.

Men who are cheating emotionally often begin to question whether or not they should be seeing that one particular woman as much as they are. They know deep down inside that she means more to them than just a regular female friend would and thus feel a degree of guilt for seeing her. Another example of emotional cheating that is becoming more common is that of online cheating. A man may find that he is logging on more and more to talk to a specific person, and that his wife or girlfriend is complaining that he is spending too much time on the Internet. He may feel more drawn to talking to this person than he is to the woman he is currently seeing -- a classic sign of emotional investment.

This example illustrates pure emotional cheating; if the man has not even seen the woman before, he is much less likely to be influenced by the thought of sexual gratification.

Why do women feel betrayed by emotional cheating?

When looking for a mate, women tend to look more at a man's emotional and intellectual qualities, including his ability to be a good father, to provide a stable home life and to interact with her on a daily basis. Men, on the other hand, usually tend to focus more on physical qualities in a mate in order to ensure that a woman is capable of producing offspring and satisfying his sexual desires.

That being said, since a woman invests heavily in the emotional aspects of the relationship, cheating in this form is generally very hard for her to handle, as she may feel completely betrayed by her partner.

sexual cheating

The second type of cheating is sexual infidelity.

While this may not be as hard for most women to take as emotional cheating, it is still very destructive for a relationship. When a man has sex with another person, his wife or girlfriend will start to question her own skills in bed; she will wonder what the other woman is offering him that she is not. This will make her very self-conscious about her own performance and will often turn her off of sex completely, thus only serving to exacerbate the problem.

It is almost like a destructive circle: the man cheats, which results in his girlfriend not wanting to have sex with him at all, which can lead him to want to cheat more. In short, it is a very good way to end a relationship.

Is it easier for a couple to recover from sexual cheating?

This type of cheating is solely about physical satisfaction and often comes in the form of a one-night stand. The man feels no emotional connection with the woman and does not wish to spend time with her apart from performing the sexual act. He usually feels just as emotionally connected to his wife or girlfriend as he was before; he may simply feel bored with his sex life or find that he wants to explore other opportunities.

Often, his partner will not even give him a chance to explain and will just break things off as soon as the truth comes out, as she will question how she can possibly trust him again. A solid relationship should not involve such uncertainty and makes dealing with this type of cheating very difficult.

Can you predict how she'll react?

How does a woman's personality affect her reaction to cheating?

The previous was a good general guideline; however, it is not black and white. There are some women who place more emphasis on sex than on any type of emotional involvement. Usually, these women are either very involved in other aspects of their lives, such as their careers, or they tend to place their worth more on superficial aspects, such as their looks (as opposed to personality traits).

This type of woman will be more offended by a man cheating on her purely sexually, as this is why she believes he is attracted to her in the first place. She will think that since he no longer views her as sexually attractive, he will no longer want to be with her and will most likely end the relationship.

Women who find sexual cheating worse may also view men as sexual tools that only exist to satisfy their desires. Therefore, they take cheating as a sign that their partner has vested interests somewhere else, either purely sexually or both sexually and emotionally, and usually choose to move on to their next pursuer.

You can generally spot these types of women, as they will not invest as much in a man on an intellectual level. She may not connect with you and discuss her thoughts and feelings as much as previous girlfriends have, and you may find that the relationship itself tends to be more focused on the physical aspects.

If this is your case, then your girlfriend or wife may view sexual cheating as the most harmful kind.

should you do if you've cheated?

If you have cheated on your girlfriend or wife, you have two options. You can choose not to tell her and hope it remains in your past, or you can come clean and admit to your crime.

If you choose not to tell her, you will have to deal with what you have done, and it may affect how you act around her since you will have the burden of your secret on your shoulders. Also, if it ever does come out, chances are the problem will be much worse, since she will not only be upset that you cheated, but also that you lied.

If you do choose to tell her, your conscience will be set free, but you will have to be prepared to deal with the consequences. If you cheated on her emotionally, it may be harder to work through, as the bond you have with the other woman will most likely be harder to break. However, if you cheated sexually, especially if it was a one-night stand, you might be able to get her to forgive you and work through it. Whatever her reaction, expect the worse.

At this point, however, you are going to have to fully commit to her. She may forgive you once, but twice is unlikely.

cheat or not to cheat

If you feel yourself drifting away from your partner, try to reconnect on an emotional level (if you are tempted to cheat emotionally), or else find new and interesting ways to spice up your sex life (if you are not feeling sexually satisfied). You will be surprised to find that most women are more than willing to put in the effort to improve these aspects of your relationship. But if you simply can't help cheating, perhaps it's time to break it off and move on.

Vanity And The Modern Man

Men are obsessed with decorating

A home should be clean, but the magazine rack doesn't need to match the curtains. Betty Crocker and Heloise trade recipes and argue about the best way to remove carpet stains, not guys. Reading IKEA catalogs, poring over patterns, matching the bedroom with the bathroom -- all of these are consumer infiltrations, brought on less by the opposite sex than by marketing gurus and commercial bombardment.

Men look up to vain role models

It's no longer Bronson, McQueen, Wayne or Stallone. This summer's lineup looks like a minor league soccer team: Depp, Pitt, Farrell, Cruise. Tom Cruise? He's the size of an action figure. Like it or not, leading men like Jude Law have cultural influence, and in his case it's a feminizing, domesticating influence. Hollywood affairs were once oblivious sidebars to men. There was a time when sports heroes, like the unattractive Nolan Ryan and crazy-eyed Mike Singletary, trumped actors. In the 1980s, The National Enquirer was a garbage magazine for garbage readers, but US Weekly and the other checkout-line rags have figured out how to suck people in. It would be unimaginable for men in the 1980s to care about what J.R. Ewing did offscreen. Ask an ’80s guy: "Did you see what Jude Law was wearing?" and see how he reacts.

Men work delicate jobs

Men like to live up to a certain standard, a certain level of providing income. The image of a career, however, has become more important than the actual work. Today, men seek clean, domesticated, polite, sedentary jobs. Fathers used to be firemen, farmers and construction workers, which meant getting their hands dirty.

Moreover, to be a part of the working class today is quietly frowned upon, even when many plumbers collect $150 an hour. Being a blue-collar worker nowadays implies a lack of education, therefore, less earning power, but it's not necessarily true. Being fiscally attractive to women almost requires a desk job, resulting in a certain level of snobbery for working class people, which is why immigrants perform so much low-wage, "uncivilized" work. Men have become snobs.

you’re so vain…

There's a reasonable level of vanity. Most men are really overgrown boys, unable to adjust to their age. The fear of marriage results in a prolonged teenager status. FYI: Getting married does not equal domestication or feminization. In fact, it is the hairless, greased man-child who is being domesticated and feminized. The hairy guy working the night shift to support his two kids is not domesticated; that's what a man does.

Other cultures around the world haven't fallen into this rut yet -- at least not as deep as we have. There's a line from The Burbs, a movie where Tom Hanks plays one of these American domesticated doggies -- a character in whom we can almost see the transition from Burt Reynolds to Colin Farrell -- where Bruce Dern says to Hanks: "Are you completely p*ssy-whipped? Why don't you just take your balls out of your wife's purse? Make a stand for one time in your life!" In other words: Get a grip. Forget about all that body-image and diet propaganda. Eat normal food, do pushups and -- unless you actually are neutered -- act like a man. So, how's that tree coming along? Are you ready to chop it?

Of mice and men: 10 sex lessons from the wild

Ahh, science. The glorious search for truth. Sexploration stands second to none in its admiration for the lab-coated monks of the scientific community, their adherence to esoteric protocols, their exotic worship of PowerPoint, their reliance on “models” for sex.

Now when you or I think of “models” for sex we might think of Adriana Lima or that guy in the Calvin Klein underwear ads with the abs that no man possesses outside the pages of GQ. But that’s because we were liberal arts majors. When a scientist thinks of a model, he or she thinks of nematode worms, or rats, or zebra fish or monkeys.

Or, if we’re talking about sex, deer mice. Last week, a study titled “Coping and copulation may help calculate diabetes risk” was published, and Sexploration, ever on the watch for news that promises better health through sex, began reading the accompanying press release with the rising hope that more and better sex will be found to lower our risk of diabetes.

“Discussion of a man’s background, attitude and sexual history isn’t just the fodder of ‘Sex and the City’ episodes — in the future, it could also be a way of evaluating his risk of diabetes,” it began.

But then it said that “males of a calmer, more monogamous species [of deer mouse] had a higher level of stress hormones and a superior ability to regulate blood sugar in comparison to males of a less calm, less monogamous species.” This led researchers to conclude that “superior stress tolerance and blood sugar regulation is related to monogamy in these mice.”

The implication, of course, is that men ought to get themselves married because loyal mice regulate blood sugar better than their randy cousins. While I admired the way the writer of the press release labored to create a link between mice and men, I wondered what would happen if people based their sex and relationship lives on the results of animal studies.

So, in the interest of reader service, Sexploration reviewed recent scientific literature and culled the best advice we could find by directly extrapolating from animals to people. Here are the lessons to be learned.

Do not turn sex into warfare.

According to a pair of British scientists, “sexual conflict is ubiquitous across taxa” and nobody winds up happy. These biologists studied Trinidadian guppies and found that “male sexual harassment drives females into habitats that they otherwise do not prefer to occupy” — sort of like all-female gyms and the Lifetime channel.

Avoid weaponizing your penis.

“The spectacular evolution of male genitalia that impose physical injury on females during mating has often been suggested to be a product of sexually antagonistic co-evolution,” wrote Swedish scientists. As you might expect, females are reluctant to mate with males wielding pain-inducing penises. This creates a risk of extinction. So while women may like the looks of that “spectacular” thing he carts around, we might all be better off if they chose those of us who are meekly average, you know, for the sake of humanity’s future. Oh, and beware of “spiny male genitalia [which] causes more harm to females during copulation.”

Try woman-on-top.

Couldn’t all men take a lesson from the Mexican experiment showing that “when female rats are allowed to pace (control) the rate of sexual stimulation they receive … the aversive properties of mating are reduced”? After all, this column receives a lot of complaining letters from women in which the word “jackhammer” is used.

For a great afterglow, choose an orgy.

Members of this same team of biologists also reported that “under semi-natural conditions sexual behavior in rats is highly promiscuous; they mate in groups and repeatedly change partners in the middle of copulation. This behavioral sequence allows both male and female to control the rate of sexual interaction, assuring the induction of a reward state outlasting the actual performance of coital responses.”

Gifts don’t always work.

According to a British team, “nuptial gifts fail to resolve a sexual conflict.” Admittedly, the nuptial gifts they are talking about are compounds found in the ejaculate of a bush cricket, but still, I think we can all learn something here. While it may have worked for Kobe Bryant, gifts won’t necessarily fix a screwup.

Bulk up, dudes.

In wild sheep living on an island off the coast of Scotland, “greater horn length, body size and good condition each independently influence a male’s ability to monopolize receptive females … we also find that larger testes are independently associated with both higher copulation rates and increased siring success.” Sigh.

Invest in lingerie and makeup.

Of course women have pressure to be attractive too because, said Mexican biologists, while males may be motivated to have sex by nature, we might skip acting on that motivation in favor of watching “Star Trek” reruns if we do not have “an appropriate stimulus, a sexual incentive.”

Male rats can make do with the mere presence of a “sexually receptive female,” but men over the age of 25 might need a little booster and, being more visual than rats, said the scientists, might prefer an image of a sexual partner. Thus primed, we might “activate approach behaviors.” Whether this behavior amounts to “How about it, babe?” or a night at the Ritz-Carlton “will be determined by motivation and by the quality of the incentive stimulus, its attractivity.”

Don’t let her take this measurement.

Animal biologists love prairie voles because unlike most rodents, they are often monogamous. The males are dutiful little critters right out of a Disney movie. So which guy gets the girl? And how does the girl choose? Well, she looks for the distance between his anus and his genitals, called ano-genital distance. “Not only did preferred males have significantly longer AGD and larger testes than nonpreferred males, but AGD was directly related to the testes’ size, seminal vesicle size and the number of sperm stored. We … discovered that males that were members of a pair bond had longer AGD than single males.” The researchers did not say if a house on the beach compensates for short AGD.

It won’t help to pee on her house.

“Mate choice is likely based on a complex suite of characters, but at least in prairie voles, the frequency of scent marking by males does not appear to be one of them.” Whew!

When all else fails, genetically alter us.

Unlike their close cousins, meadow voles really get around. They are, in the words of one scientist, “socially promiscuous.” But by transferring just one gene into the brains of meadow voles, “we substantially increase partner preference formation. … We show that a change in the expression of a single gene in the larger context of pre-existing genetic and neural circuits can profoundly alter social behavior.”

Hudson River hero is ex-Air Force fighter pilot

Civil engineer Robert Bea wasn't surprised when he learned the name of the cool-headed pilot who guided his hobbled jetliner over the city and landed it in the Hudson River. The pilot, after all, had been studying crisis management.

Bea, co-founder of UC Berkeley's Center for Catastrophic Risk Management, said he could think of few pilots as well-situated to bring the plane down safely as Chesley B. "Sully" Sullenberger III.

Sullenberger, 57, of Danville, Calif., is a former fighter pilot who runs a safety consulting firm in addition to flying commercial aircraft. He had been studying the psychology of keeping airline crews functioning even in the face of crisis, Bea said.

"When a plane is getting ready to crash with a lot of people who trust you, it is a test," he said. "Sulley proved the end of the road for that test. He had studied it, he had rehearsed it, he had taken it to his heart."

Sullenberger became an instant hero Thursday, earning accolades from those aboard US Airways Flight 1549, from New York's mayor and governor, and from an online fan club.

A woman who answered the phone at Sullenberger's home in Danville hung up on an Associated Press reporter who asked to speak with the family.

'There's been an accident'

Sullenberger's wife told CNN she hadn't been watching the news and was stunned to hear about the ordeal from her husband after it was all over.

"I've heard Sully say to people, `It's rare for an airline pilot to have an incident in their career,'" Lorrie Sullenberger said. ""When he called me he said, `There's been an accident.' At first I thought it was something minor, but then he told me the circumstances and my body started shaking and I rushed to get our daughters out of school."

Sullenberger, who has flown for US Airways since 1980, flew F-4 fighter jets with the Air Force in the 1970s. He then served on a board that investigated aircraft accidents and participated later in several National Transportation Safety Board investigations.

He is president of Safety Reliability Methods, a California firm that uses "the ultra-safe world of commercial aviation" as a basis for safety consulting in other fields, according to the firm's Web site.

Sullenberger's mailbox at the firm was full on Thursday. A group of fans sprang up on Facebook within hours of the emergency landing.

"OMG, I am terrified of flying but I would be happy to be a passenger on one of your aircraft!!" Melanie Wills in Bristol wrote on the wall of "Fans of Sully Sullenberger." "You have saved a lot of peoples lives and are a true hero!!"

The pilot "did a masterful job of landing the plane in the river and then making sure that everybody got out," Mayor Michael Bloomberg said. "He walked the plane twice after everybody else was off, and tried to verify that there was nobody else on board, and he assures us there was not."

"He was the last one up the aisle and he made sure that there was nobody behind him."

'We're all alive'

Gov. David Paterson pronounced it a "miracle on the Hudson."

Passenger Beth McHugh, 64, of Charlotte, said: "That pilot has to be commended. He steered that plane so well. I just can't believe how well he did. We're all alive because of him."

Candace Andersen, a member of the Danville Town Council who lives a few blocks from Sullenberger, said it was an amazing story and she was proud to live in the same town as the pilot.

Sullenberger's co-pilot was Jeff Skiles, 49, of Oregon, Wis., a 23-year US Airways veteran.

"He was OK," said his wife, Barbara. "He was relieved that everybody got off."

Iran leader's Christmas message decries bullies

Iran's president is offering season's greetings to Christians in a British TV address and suggests that if Jesus were alive, he would oppose "bullying, ill-tempered and expansionist powers" - an apparent reference to the U.S. and its allies.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's Christmas Day broadcast will be delivered on Britain's Channel 4 television, occupying a slot that provides an often controversial counterpoint to Queen Elizabeth II's traditional annual message, the station said Wednesday. A leading British Jewish group said it was appalled.

According to a transcript released in advance, Ahmadinejad says most of the world's problems stem from leaders who have turned against religion. The Muslim president doesn't refer to rival nations or leaders by name or mention Israel, despite his past calls to wipe it out.

"If Christ were on Earth today, undoubtedly he would hoist the banner of justice and love for humanity to oppose warmongers, occupiers, terrorists and bullies the world over," Ahmadinejad said, according to the English translation of the Farsi-language speech. The broadcast will air with subtitles.

The U.S., Britain and others suspect Iran of developing nuclear weapons, while Tehran insists its uranium enrichment program is intended solely for a civilian energy program.

Ties with Britain were further strained in 2007 when Iran held 15 British sailors and marines prisoner for 13 days.

The Board of Deputies of British Jews - which represents the Jewish community in the United Kingdom - said the broadcast was offensive. "To invite him to deliver a Christmas message, even a so-called alternative one, fills me with disgust," said the group's president, Henry Grunwald.

The Israeli ambassador to London condemned the speech as a "bogus message of good will."

"That (Channel 4) should give an unchallenged platform to the president of a regime which denies the Holocaust, advocates the destruction of the sovereign state of Israel, funds and encourages terrorism, executes children and hangs gay people is a disgrace," Ron Prosor said. "Outrage doesn't begin to explain it."

British human rights campaigner Peter Tatchell echoed the comments, saying the broadcaster was "aiding and abetting a tyrant."

"This is the equivalent of giving (Zimbabwean ruler) Robert Mugabe a prime-time television slot to promote his propaganda," he said.

Previous guests of Channel 4's Christmas slot have included the Rev. Jesse Jackson, Sharon Osborne and the animated TV character Marge Simpson of "The Simpsons." Last year's message was delivered by Sgt. Maj. Andrew Stockton, a British soldier badly wounded in Afghanistan.

Dorothy Byrne, Channel 4's head of news and current affairs, said Ahmadinejad was picked because Iran's relations with the West would likely remain a big global issue in 2009.

"As the leader of one of the most powerful states in the Middle East, President Ahmadinejad's views are enormously influential. As we approach a critical time in international relations, we are offering our viewers an insight into an alternative world view," Byrne said.

The channel broadcast an interview with Ahmadinejad in September 2007, when he insisted Iran wasn't seeking to develop a nuclear weapon.

Asian gay, transgender groups fight for their rights

Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) groups in Asia have agreed to develop an international network to advocate protection of their rights in their respective countries and at the regional level.

Bali hosted a conference of the groups from June 2 to 6 in the tourism enclave Nusa Dua. The conference was attended by 21 participants from eight countries -- Indonesia, Nepal, India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, China and Thailand.

"We agreed to make some kind of international network to advocate protection of LGBT rights in our countries," Rido Triawan, head of Arus Pelangi, an Indonesian non-governmental organization that fights for LGBT rights, told The Jakarta Post on Saturday.

He said it would be like an open communication channel connecting LGBY communities in different countries, so that when there was a problem in one country the communities could work in unison to apply political pressure on the government in question.

Generally, Rido said, LGBT communities in Asia faced similar problems.

"We are all at this time suffering from stigmatization, discrimination, persecution from religious groups and discriminative government regulations," he said.

"For example, the 2004 regional regulation in Palembang, South Sumatra, categorizes LGBT as a form of prostitution," Rido said.

He said religious-based persecution was the most difficult problem LGBT groups faced in Indonesia.

"Those religious doctrines are then being integrated into the formal education curriculum. Naturally, the curriculum educates the students that the only 'normal' and accepted sexual orientation is heterosexuality," he said.

Consequently, other sexual orientations are considered as not "normal" and unacceptable.

This has resulted in students and communities discriminating against members of the homosexual and transgender community.

"There are many cases of discrimination experienced by members of the LGBT community. One example involved a man who openly acknowledged his sexual orientation of being gay. Suddenly, his company fired him for no apparent reason," Rido said.

He said other gay workers faced varying levels of hostility from co-workers.

"They suddenly keep a distance or, even worse, socially isolate him just because he is gay," he said.

He said upholding the rights of the LGBT community was a significant issue since sexual orientation was also part of human rights.

Rido said the LGBT community in Indonesia just wanted to be acknowledged and treated the same as the other Indonesian citizens, who enjoyed the right to education, health, work and all the other basic human rights.

"It is still very hard for people to accept the fact that LGBT are also human beings, who should be treated humanely," said Arus Pelangi secretary general, Yuli Rustinawati.

A Sri Lankan LGBT activist, Rosanna Flamer-Caldera, said the situation in Sri Lanka was worse than in Indonesia.

"Being part of LGBT communities in Sri Lanka is similar to committing a criminal offense. That's the reason why people with LGBT sexual orientation prefer to be invisible," she said.

She said members of the LGBT community in her country who fell victim to criminal acts often didn't report their cases to the police, because the treatment they would receive could be worse than the perpetrators of the criminal acts.

She said she participated in LGBT conferences and seminars around the world to learn about human rights instruments that could be used to advance the struggle in her country.

California gay-marriage ban creates uncertainty

An estimated 1,000 protesters took to the streets over California's new ban on gay marriage Thursday as the political turmoil and legal confusin over who should have right to wed deepened.

Legal experts said it is unclear whether an attempt by gay-rights activists to overturn the prohibition has any chance of success, and whether the 18,000 same-sex marriages performed in California oer the past four months are in any danger.

California voters Tuesday approved a constitutional amendment disallowing gay marriage. The measure, which won 52 percent approval, overrides a California Supreme Court ruling last May that briefly gave same-sex couples the right to wed.

On Thursday, about 1,000 gay-marriage supporters demonstrated outside a Mormon temple in the Westwood section of Los Angeles. Sign-waving demonstrators spilled onto Santa Monica Boulevard, bringing afternoon traffic to a halt. The temple was targeted because the Mormon church strongly supported the ban on gay marriage.

"I'm disappointed in the Californians who voted for this," said F. Damion Barela, 43, a Studio City resident who married his husband nearly five months ago. He noted that nearly 70 percent of black voters and a slight majority of Hispanic voters voted for the ban.

"To them I say, 'Shame on you because you should know what this feels like,"' he said.

On Wednesday night, police in Los Angeles arrested seven people as more than 1,000 protesters blocked traffic in West Hollywood. One man was wrestled to the ground by police after he jumped up and down on the roof of a squad car. Another man was clubbed by police. Hundreds of protesters also gathered on the steps of San Francisco's City Hall, some holding candles and carrying signs that read, "We all deserve the freedom to marry."

Gay-marriage proponents filed three court challenges Wednesday against the new ban. The lawsuits raise a rare legal argument: that the ballot measure was actually a dramatic revision of the California Constitution rather than a simple amendment. A constitutional revision must first pass the Legislature before going to the voters.

"Where do you draw the line between 'revision' and 'an amendment' when those are words in conversation we would use interchangeably?" asked Erwin Chemerinsky, dean of the University of California, Irvine law school. "It's a highly technical legal question in a highly charged political atmosphere."

Andrew Pugno, attorney for the coalition of religious and social conservative groups that sponsored the amendment, called the lawsuits "frivolous and regrettable."

"It is time that the opponents of traditional marriage respect the voters' decision," he said.

The high court has not said when it will act. State officials said the ban on gay marriage took effect the morning after the election.

With many gay newlyweds worried about what the amendment does to their vows, California Attorney General Jerry Brown said he believes those marriages are still valid. But he is also preparing to defend that position in court.

"I wish I could be comforted by Attorney General Brown's statement that it has no retroactivity," said Loyola Law School professor Bill Araiza, who married his same-sex partner Oct. 29. "But it's in flux and I just don't know."

The amendment does not explicitly say whether it applies to those already married. Legal experts said unless there is explicit language, laws are not normally applied retroactively.

"Otherwise a Pandora's Box of chaos is opened," said Stanford University law school professor Jane Schacter. Still, Schacter cautioned that the question of retroactivity "is not a slam dunk."

An employer, for instance, could deny medical benefits to an employee's same-sex spouse. The worker could then sue the employer, giving rise to a case that could determine the validity of the 18,000 marriages.

Supporters of the ban said they will not seek to invalidate the marriages already performed and will leave any legal challenges to others.

A 2003 California law already gives gays registered as domestic partners nearly all the state rights and responsibilities of married couples when it comes to such things as taxes, estate planning and medical decisions. That law is still in effect.

Only Massachusetts allows same-sex marriages, while Connecticut is expected to begin sanctioning them this month. Several states allow civil unions.